


i need you to listen to me

by hayles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Rape, Rape Recovery, Sad Harry, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Tattoos, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-05 02:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hayles/pseuds/hayles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is quiet and hides behind his tattoos and his best friend Zayn. Louis is outgoing and loud, especially with his two best friends Niall and Liam. He is the exact opposite of Harry. Their worlds collide and everything changes. Can Louis be the one to save Harry? Or is Harry too badly broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i should ink my skin with your name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [selzbig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/selzbig/gifts).



> So this is my very first fic in this fandom. Please don't hate me if it sucks. Also any mistakes are my own. I'd also like to say that I'm AMERICAN so I apologize if some things aren't perfect. I've had this idea for a while, so yeah...enjoy!
> 
> Also some of the chapters are going to have triggers in them, but not all of them so please read the notes before each chapter.

"Harry...Harry!! It's time for you to wake up! HARRY! You're gonna be late! HARRY if you don't hurry you're going to be late for your new school!"

"Thanks Mom!"

"I printed off your schedule, you have homeroom with Mr. Cowell and then you have something called Senior Advanced English with the same instructor. So get up, and get ready for the day. You can take your car or the bus."

"Okay, thanks Mom."

Harry got up and put on black skinny jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt to cover up the tattoos his mom still didn't know about. His tattoo artist,and best friend, Zayn, might be 18 but he was only 16 going on 17. His mom would kick him out of the house if she found them but he didn't care, there was a story behind all his ink, and he was proud of every one of his tattoos. The one he loved the most was the small infinity inked onto his left wrist among the almost faded scars that littered his wrist and arm. It was his favorite and it was his first; it had the best story. 6 months ago, almost to the day, he had been having a really bad day when  Zayn called him.

* * *

 

_**"Hey Harry, what's up?"** _

_"I'm gonna do it again. It's been so long, so many days, but I want it so bad, I can't handle this."_

_**"Shit man, don't do anything. I'm on my way over."**_ Harry heard Zayn run out of the house, slam his door, and then he heard Zayn's accient car come to life. Harry knew he'd be safe soon.

_"Thanks Zayn. I just don't know what to do anymore. My parents are at it again. My sister's boyfriend just called me a faggot and Gem said nothing and my stepdad agreed! How is that fair to anyone? I need to feel something, anything other than what I'm feeling right now. I'm just tired of everything. Don't bother coming, I'm done, I'll see you, Zayn."_

_**"NO, Harry, don't you dare hang up this phone. I am on my way as we speak. Don't do anything until I get there, okay? DO NOT hang up the phone. I'll be there in like 10 minutes."**  
_

_"Zayn, it's not even worth it okay?"_

_**"God Harry, of course you're worth it!"**_ Harry and Zayn continued to talk until Harry heard a car pull into his driveway. He heard a car door slam followed by a commotion at his front door. He opened his bedroom door to listen, _  
_

"If it isn't Harry's faggoty little friend." Gemma's boyfriend drunkenly roars.

"Move out of the way, Victor. You're drunk." Zayn replies calmly.

"Such a stupid little boy. I could fuck you up so bad."

"Fuck off!" And with that Harry watched as Zayn pushed by Victor and stormed up the stairs to where Harry was trembling with rage in the doorway,

"It's okay Harry, it doesn't mean anything to me, you know it doesn't. Victor is just a dick. Don't worry about it. Now come back into your room so I can show you what I brought you.'

Zayn slowly backed Harry into his room, gently pushing him with the large bag he'd been carrying. Harry sat on his bed while Zayn unpacked what looked to be a hospital onto his desk.

"What the hell is all that?"

"You said you wanted to feel something, right?"

"Yeah...?" Harry replies warily. He keeps eyeing the tools on his desk.

"Calm down Harry, it's not like I'm giving you surgery. It's a tattoo kit, a legitimate one, complete with needles and everything. I just got certified and I thought since you were so down, and so deperate to feel any sort of pain that a tattoo would be a lot healthier than the alternative. What do you think?" 

"I think it's perfect. Thanks, Zayn."

* * *

 "HARRY EDWARD STYLES IF YOU DON'T LEAVE THIS MINTUE YOU'RE GOING MISS SCHOOL!"

"I'm leaving right now mom!"

A lot of things had changed since Harry's first tattoo. His sister had broken up with her boyfriend. Harry's stepdad had backed off a bit when he found that his slurs and drunken rants stopped pissing Harry off. And now, any time that Harry felt that he was falling apart, he'd call Zayn who would be at his house with the tattoo kit within half an hour, no questions asked. Tattoos slowly began taking up Harry's left arm, they were slowly turing into a sleeve, artfully crafted by Zayn. Before his mom could say anything else Harry left the house with his car keys in hand. He hopped into his car and headed off to his new school. After he transferred from his old school he found out that he and Zayn would finally be going to the same school. He met up with Zayn who began to show Harry around. He started off by showing him his locker and them introducing him to his friends,

"Harry this is Liam Payne and Niall Horan. They've been a couple since the beginning of time."

"Hi, it's very nice to meet you Harry," Liam says kindly.

"Yeah, it's very nice to meet you," Niall says with a thick Irish accent.

All of a sudden a flash of feathery brown hair whips by Harry and comes to an abrupt halt in front of Liam and Niall. The boy leans in and gives both of them a peck on the cheek. He bounces back and says,

"Hi Liam, hiya Nialler, hey Zaynie! How are you all today?" Harry just stood there and stared at the back of the boy he'd never seen until now.

"Calm yourself, we're trying to make a new friend here!" Liam laughs.

Zayn just rolls his eyes and gestures for the mystery boy to turn around and when he does Harry is stunned. Standing in front of him is the most gorgeous boy he'd ever seen. The boy in front of him holds out his hand and says with a smile,

"I'm Louis and it's very nice to meet you!"

 

 

 

__

 


	2. there may be other people like us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis find they're in the same English class...and that they're essay partners. Harry can't decide if it's a good thing that they'll be spending so much time together. He doesn't like letting people get close to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for you. Sorry this one's kinda a filler chapter but I promise that the next one will be better. Also the chapter lengths will vary in length depending on what I'm writing about. So yeah, enjoy and happy reading!

* * *

"I'm H-Harry." Harry nervously stuttered out. Louis bounced forward and wrapped Harry up in a hug. Harry flinched instinctively and Louis pulled back with a frown.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You just looked like you could use a hug. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's ok. Really, it just surprised me, that's all. It's really awesome to meet you."

"You too Harry! So Zayn, what do you have first period?"

"Gym," Zayn groaned

"I've got Advanced English with Mr Cowell. I'm so excited! It's such an exclusive class I can't believe I finally got in, I've been trying since freshman year."

"Uh, I think that's the class I have too. You said with Mr Cowell right?"

"No!! I mean yes that's what I said, but how in the world did you get in? It's your first day at the school, I waited three years to get in. You have to be hand selected by Mr Cowell, and you don't even know him. You know what, I'm not gonna be mad, you seem pretty cool. And you're in the class with me and Liam and Niall. Since it's only the second week of school you won't have that much to catch up on. It's a really awesome class. I can walk you there if you want."

"Louis, speak slower! You're gonna scare the poor boy." Liam laughed.

"It's okay, I think I could get used to your energy. And it would be awesome if you'd walk me to English." Harry said uncertaintly.

Louis started walking away from his group of friends before realizing no one was following him. He turned around and said,

"What are you all waiting for? We have an epic class to get to!"

"Again Louis calm down! You're scaring Harry!" Louis looked back and noticed that Harry was looking at him with frightened eyes. He seemed overwhelmed.

"Sorry, let's go. We're gonna be late if we don't start walking."

The five boys walked together until Zayn had to leave for gym. Zayn stopped walking and pulled Harry aside.

"Are you sure you'll be okay without me? I don't want you to get overwhelmed, I need you to feel safe."

"In good, I'll text you if anything goes wrong. And I'll see you in lunch right?"

"Yeah, of course. Good luck Harry."

After this quick interaction the other the boys walked to English. Harry walked closely behind the other boys as they walked into their English classroom.

"Good morning boys,  who's your friend? "

"Oh, this is Harry, it's his first day here and apparently he somehow got into this class without even trying. "

"Harry, yes we'll introduce you to the rest of the class after we take attendance."

"O-okay, umm well where should I sit?" 

"You can sit with Louis, there's a seat next to you right?"

"Oh course, Harry come sit here in front of me! " Louis said enthusiastically.

Harry walked to Louis and sat in the desk in front of him. 

"Good morning class!"

"Good morning Mr. Cowell!" the class chorused.

Harry looked around to find about 10 kids including him, Louis, Liam, and Niall.

"Niall and Liam please refrain from groping each other in the middle of attendance, we don't need administration to walk in on the free show again." Liam blushed furiously and Niall just laughed.

All his life he'd been told that being gay was a sin and that two men, or two women, could never have a proper relationship. He understood that maybe Liam and Niall were just very open about their relationship. It pissed Harry off that they could be so open about something that Harry would never be able to be. If Harry ever told his parents that his sexuality was anything other than straight his parents would disown him or worse. He hated that they could flaunt it without the worry of backlash and-

"Harry?! Are you okay mate? You were mumbling to yourself about how you hated Niall and Liam and how you were gay...wait you're gay?!" Louis whispered.

"Uh, well, uh."

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. My two best friends are gay.  Hell I'm gay. Seriously I don't know why you look like you're gonna faint... Seriously there's nothing to be embarrassed about. For God's sake are you gonnaa be okay? I swear if you don't want anyone to know I went tell anyone. Sorry am I talking too much again?"

All Harry heard from that conversation was the fact that Louis was gay and that he had no problem with any gay people. After that Harry heard nothing because Louis was too close, too loud, and Harry was feeling overwhelmed. Harry didn't respond and after a while Louis just gave up and the class started. English went by pretty quickly and Mr. Cowell finally assigned English paper partners. Of course Harry and Louis were assigned to be partners. Harry wasn't sure how he felt about this, he was scared that Louis would get too close and find things out that could land him in rehab again. The class ended and Louis offered to walk Harry to his next class. Harry agreed and was finally starting to get comfortable taking to Louis when they heard a voice,

"Hey faggot, where are you and your _**boyfriend**_ going?"

Louis, instead of continuing to walk, turned to face to boy who'd called out to them,

"What did you just call me?" Louis said furiously.

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! Feel free to leave comments or suggestions as to how I can make this fic better. I love you all!


	3. if you're broken i will mend you and i'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis defends Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda fluffy but also has some points explaining Harry's life and why he's as messed up as he is.

* * *

Harry looked on in horror as he realized the boy that had called out to them was Victor. Harry's life had just become even more of a living hell.

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to him," Victor says angrily pointing to Harry, "That little faggot made his sister break up with me just because he couldn't take a little teasing. He's such a baby."

"EXCUSE ME?! What gives you the right to talk to him like that? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Hmm? What the fuck gives you the right?" Louis fumed.

"Oh, you think you're all high and mighty for trying to protect this kid? Do you know what he's done? Do you know the shit he's caused in my life? He deserves everything being said to him right now!"

"Oh fuck you, all you are is a bully. Just leave us alone," Louis continued. He stopped talking for a second, seeming to consider something for a moment before erupting into a rage filled rant,

"Wait, did you just say he  _des_ _erved_ what you said to him? In what world does someone  _deserve_ to be bitched at like you just did to him. You know what people like you do? You say things like that without ever caring about the fallout it might cause! You know those things called feelings? Those fancy things that were hurt when Harry's sister broke up with you, I mean by the way you're talking I can't actually imagine you having feelings. But why don't you put yourself in his shoes? How would you feel if someone said that shit to you? Huh, quiet now aren't you? I bet no one's ever talked back to you? What, you don't have anything to say now? You're just all talk and no-"

Louis rant was cut off when Victor swung and punched Louis squarely in the jaw. Louis went reeling backwards but quickly bounced back. He cradled his jaw for just a second before launching forwards with a punch of his own. Being smaller, Louis had a significant disadvantage, but he was far quicker than Victor. But things went downhill fast when Victor was able to pin Louis to the ground. He sat on him and was whaling on him when Harry realized Louis had passed out. It was then when he stepped in,

"STOP!!!!!"

Victor stopped what he was doing to Louis and turned his attention to Harry,

"Did you just say something to me? You want me to stop?"

"Yes, please stop hurting him, please stop."

"Why don't you try and stop me. Huh?"

Victor laughed when Harry did nothing,

"You couldn't even hurt a fly. You never could, not when I hurt you, not even when I hurt your  _sister._ You never even tried to fight back, you never tried to stop me from hurting her. You know what, you're not even worth it."

Victor started to walk away but turned back and said,

"You'll regret this. You and your friend will pay."

Harry watched in a daze as Victor walked away. As soon as he was out the school doors, Harry turned his attention to Louis,

"Louis...Louis...LOUIS?"

Louis began to stir from his place on the ground,

"What happened?" Louis said groggily.

"Y-you got p-punched in the face by my sister's psychotic ex-boyfriend, trying to defend me. I'm so sorry. Are you bleeding?"

"No, I'm okay."

Louis went to stand up but swayed unsteadily. Harry caught him, and suddenly their faces were within inches of each other. The breath was suddenly gone from both Harry's and Louis' lungs.

Before he could register was happening Louis' lips were on Harry's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Love you!


	4. i don't think i'm gonna make it past tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry heads back to the dark place he's worked so hard to get out of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are possible triggers in this chapter so please be careful when reading if these things affect you! I love you all and enjoy!

* * *

 

Harry was shocked but recovered quick enough that he was able to kiss Louis back.

"Was that okay?" Louis asked shyly, "I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw you this morning."

Harry didn't know how to respond and before he got a chance, the bell signaling the next class rung and they both hurried to class. When Harry arrived in the class and took his seat next to Louis he couldn't help feeling awkward. He couldn't help but admit that he enjoyed the kiss but he was so ashamed of himself that it overshadowed any other emotion he was feeling. To make matters worse he could feel Louis smiling at him. When he couldn't take it anymore he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He locked himself in a stall and took out his phone,

_**"Zayn, hi it's Harry. I locked myself in a bathroom stall and I'm kinda freaking out. I just kissed Louis and I hate myself for it."**_

~~  
~~_"Are you okay? Do you want me to come and get you?"_ Zayn replied.

 _ **"Never mind."**_ Harry quickly replied.

Harry didn't want Zayn to see him this low when he'd worked so hard to be semi-happy again. He sat on the back of the toilet thinking about how his parents would react if they found out what he and Louis did. his mother would fall apart and his stepdad would have an actual reason to call him names. He kept replaying the moment over in his head and he kept getting more and more mad at himself until he felt like he couldn't take it anymore. He'd violated one of his parents' biggest rules, and worse, their trust. Tears started flowing down Harry's face as he thought to himself,

"What have I done? My parents are going to hate me, everyone's going to hate me. I'm such a disgusting idiot."

Harry cried even harder as he finally broke down and took the lighter out of his pocket. He fished in his backpack before coming up with a paper clip. He flicked the lighter so the flame burst to life. Harry stuck the paper clip in the flame. It began to glow red as Harry cried harder. He pulled the glowing paper clip out of the flame and in one swift motion brought it to the inside of his left arm. Harry took a sharp breath as the burning metal touched his skin. A couple of seconds later Harry slipped into a stupor, the same one he went into whenever he hurt himself. He repeated his actions a second and then a third time. By this time he was so far gone that he didn't hear the school bell ring and he didn't hear the bathroom door open. He brought the paper clip to the flame a fourth time and was about to bring it to his arm when,

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Oh, hi Zayn. How are you?" Harry said brightly, his eyes glassy.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Zayn yelled.

"Why are you yelling? What are you talking about?" Harry asked, still sounding far away.

"You're kidding, right Harry?" Zayn asked him.

Harry was still clutching the paper clip and the lighter. Zayn took a step towards Harry and Harry pushed himself farther towards the wall,

"Get away from me! Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me," the last word slipped out of Harry's mouth sounding like he was miles away from reality.

"Harry, babe? Do you know where you are right now?" Zayn asked gently.

Zayn took another step towards Harry and this time Harry didn't back away.

"I'm in a bathroom?" Harry asked slowly.

"Very good Harry, you are in a bathroom. Now, do you know  _why?"_  Zayn asked.

He took another step towards Harry and his hands closed around Harry's, gently taking the paper clip and lighter from him. Zayn watched as Harry tried to shake the fog out of his mind as Zayn had, sadly, seen him do many times before.

"I was upset...and I came in here to calm down...and I could feel myself slipping...so I texted you...and then I...and then I...and then I don't remember.' Harry said, quickly becoming frusterated, 

"Zayn, what did I do?" Zayn took a breath before answering,

"Harry it's not-"

"Don't say it's not my fault, or it's not that bad. If I can't remember it then it has to be bad. Don't sugarcoat it, just tell me."

"You burned yourself, on your arm, three times. You were gonna do it again when I found you. I'm so sorry, I tried to find you, I didn't know which bathroom you were in."

Harry looked down at his arm, as if realizing for the first time that something was wrong,

"It's not your fault. Right now I need to go to the nurse and cover this up."

Tears started to form in Harry's eyes,

"It fucking  _hurts_ Zayn."

Zayn knew from experience that Harry was talking about more than his arm.

"I know, it sucks. You're gonna be okay, and I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. I brought a first aid kit. And seriously, I swear you're worth it."

Zayn pulls out a roll of sterile- wrap, a roll of medical tape, and an ice pack. He tends to Harry's arm and as gently as possible asks,

"Do you remember why you were upset?" _  
_

"Because I'm disgusting and a pitiful excuse for a human."

"NO! You're neither, try again."

"I kissed a boy," Harry whispers as if confessing to a murder.

"I know babe, you kissed your new friend Louis."

Harry sucked in a breath at the mention of Louis' name. Zayn hears Harry start to mumble to himself about everyone hating him and that he's gonna go to Hell.

"Harry, I promise on my life you're not going to Hell just because you kissed another boy. We  _will_ talk more about his later, but we don't want anyone asking where you were and we're going to be late for lunch. So let's go and we'll talk after school, okay?"

"Okay," Harry replied shakily.

The two boys left the bathroom stall and Harry washed his face and gingerly put on his sweatshirt, rolling the sleeves down so they covered his hands. Zayn and Harry walked to the lunch room together. Zayn guided Harry with his hand on the small of the younger boy's back and it never left until Harry was seated safely between Liam and Zayn. Even then Zayn's hand wrapped protectivly around Harry's waist. Louis sat down across from Harry and Zayn, looking between them, his eyes full of questions. Harry leaned over and whispered in Zayn's ear,

"I owe him an explanation, don't I?"

"How about I pull Louis aside after school and explain everything, starting from the beginning? He deserves at least that."

Harry could only nod in agreement, he knew Louis deserved and explanation, but he was terrified that Louis was going to hate him, or think he was weak when he learned how messed up Harry really was. He decided that if the truth had to be told, it was going to be him telling it. Harry took a deep breath, turned his attention to Louis and said,

"Hey Louis?"

"Yeah Hazza?"

"Louis, we need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all! Hope you enjoyed reading and sorry for the sadness!


	5. i'll hold you tightly, and tell you nothing but truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tells Louis his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is almost all Harry telling Louis his story. There are a few triggering bits; abuse (emotional and physical), rape, self harm, and suicidal thoughts and there are kind of graphic descriptions of them. Please, please, please if you think this could affect you BE CAREFUL whilst reading. Enjoy!  
> Love you all,  
> Hayley

"Sure, we can talk after school."

Louis sounded like he was nervous becuase of the way Harry sounded. He sounded like the conversation he was going to have was going to change everything drastically. Zayn's arms was still wrapped tightly around Harry's waist. Harry leaned over to Zayn and said,

"You can let go of me, I'm not going to break."

"Oh, sorry." Zayn said, quickly letting go of Harry's waist.

"Harry, would you like me to walk you to your next class?" Louis asked brightly.

"Sure! Zayn, I'll meet you at my house right after school, say by 2:30ish? And Louis do you want to follow me home in your own car?"

"I actually don't have a car. I take the bus." Louis said, his ever-present smile faultering for just a second.

"No problem, I can just drive you to my house.!" Harry said brightly.

Zayn looked at Harry then, wondering how he could be so upbeat after what just happened, only to find there were tears at the corners of his eyes. He realized that Harry must be in a lot of pain. Zayn felt like a horrible friend when he realizedthat he’d never given Harry any pain medication. He then fished around in the first- aid kit and pulled out 3 tablets of painkillers and a tube of burn cream. He leaned over to Harry,

“I have some pain meds for you and a tube of burn cream. Just like spread it on and you’ll be fine. Sorry, I suck as a friend; I forgot to give it to you in the bathroom.”

Harry looked over to Zayn with thanks in his eyes and took the meds and cream. He then turned his attention back to Louis as Louis rambled on about something that had happened to him in his last class. Louis poked Harry’s bad arm and Harry flinched in pain. Worry and concern flashed across Louis’ eyes but quickly dissolved when Harry started telling him an animated story about how Niall almost set himself on fire in Chemistry. Zayn watched this interaction and couldn’t help thinking to himself,

_“I really hope that Louis doesn’t run from Harry. Harry could really use a friend like him. I mean just look at the way they look at each other. Anyone would be stupid to deny Harry that kind of happiness. And who the fuck cares if Harry likes guys? I mean with Harry’s past and everything I find it amazing that he can show affection towards anyone. I just really hope Louis has the common sense to look past everything that Harry’s gonna tell him, and stick by this boy; he deserves at least that.”_

The bell signaling the end of lunch sounded and everyone got up. Zayn kept an eye on Harry until the last school bell rang, announcing the end of the day. Harry, Louis, and Zayn walked to the car park and then to Harry’s car,

“So, Zayn, do you ride with Harry too?” asked Louis brightly.

“Oh, no I have my own car. I’ll follow you two back to Harry’s house.”

“Oh, that sounds awesome; we can all hang out together! Where’s your car? Do you have to walk far?”

“Oh um…no, my car’s right there,” Zayn said pointing to the car parked next to Harry’s.

Zayn felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at the screen and saw it was from Harry. Zayn glanced at Harry before opening and reading the message.

 _“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I have no idea if anyone from my family is gonna be home. What if they can tell I kissed him? What if they don’t like him? What if they yell at him? What if my stepdad’s home and he’s drunk? What if my_ dad _shows up? What if Louis hates me?”_

Zayn quickly texted back a reply,

**_“HARRY, calm down. Everything is going to be fine. If your family is there then we’ll deal with it then. Okay, just breathe!”_ **

Harry looked over at Zayn appreciatively before opening the door for Louis and then sliding into his car. Zayn got into his own car and they drove to Harry’s house. Harry thanked whatever deity was looking over him at that moment when he realized no one was home. He led Zayn and Louis up to his bedroom and they discarded their school bags before sitting on Harry’s bedroom floor. Harry took a deep breath and turned to Louis,

“Okay, so I have some explaining to do, like why Victor attacked us in the hall-”

“WHAT?! Victor did WHAT?! I swear to God if I see that son of a bitch I will slaughter him! Haven’t you got a restraining order on him?!”

“Zayn, calm down, it’s over now and I’m fine, well relatively speaking. Anyway Louis, I’ll explain all that and more. I’ll explain why I flinch when touched and everything. But the thing is my story isn’t happy, it doesn’t have a happy ending, there isn’t a prince that comes and saves me.”

Harry said the last part with a whisper.

“Just promise me two things Louis, and you too Zayn, cuz I haven’t told you everything.”

“Of course!” the two older boys said simultaneously.

“Let me get through everything I’m gonna say without any interruptions because I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on if I stop.”

“Okay,” the boys say.

“And the other thing?” Louis asks.

“Please don’t run away from me after I’m done.”

“Never,” the other two boys promise.

"Okay, here I go."

Harry took a deep breath and began to explain his own personal Hell.

* * *

“I was five when everything started to happen. My mom had started dating this guy, Bryce, and everything was wonderful. He made my mom forget that my dad had walked out on us. He brought money into the house and put food on the table and was even able to buy me and my sister presents. He was always getting me the best presents and he always wanted ‘Bryce and Harry’ time. I was on cloud nine because the only thing I could remember about my real dad was that he left us. One day my mom and sister were out shopping for new school clothes and it was just me and Bryce. I was so excited because he’d promised me a special surprise next time it was just me and him. The second they were out the door I ran to where he was watching TV and I asked him for my special surprise.

_“You want your surprise?”_

_“Mmhmm,” I nodded eagerly._

_“Okay, we are going to play a game. It’s gonna teach you how to be a big boy. Would you like that Harry? To learn how to be a big boy?”_

_“Yeah, Gemma is always calling me a baby. But I’m a big boy!”_

_“You will be after this! Are you ready to play?”_

_“Yup, but what are the rules?”_

_“There’s only ONE rule to our game, you mustn’t tell Mommy about our game, okay? It might make her jealous.”_

_“Okay, let’s play.”_

I was such a stupid kid. I thought nothing of it as he led me into my bedroom. He picked me up and tossed me on my bed as he’d done many times before. He started undressing me and again I thought nothing of it. All I asked was if it was a game we were gonna play in our jammies. He laughed and shook his head. By this time I was in my underpants. He started to undress himself and I asked why I was in my underpants and when we’d get to the fun part. He said that it was a game that we’d sweat a lot and we didn’t want to get our clothes all stinky. I agreed and he said the fun could start now. He told me to close my eyes and I did. Then he reached out his hand and he tickled me. I giggled and thought we were gonna do a wrestling game. Then he stopped tickling me. I kept my eyes closed because I didn’t want to not be able to play the game. He reached his hand out again and he took my underpants off. Now I was confused and my eyes flew open. Before I could react he stuck his hand out and wrapped it around my penis. He told me that this was what all little boys did with their dads and because my dad left he wanted to make sure I did the same things as all the other little boys. I was so naïve that I believed him. I closed my eyes again as he began to stroke it. I was five and I didn’t know what was going on. He asked me if I like how it felt to be touched. He had this look in his eyes that told me I had to say yes, so I did. He laughed and told me I was a slut. Then he told me I could open my eyes. I realized that he was naked. He told me to touch his penis. When I hesitated he grabbed my hand and made me wrap my fingers around it. He began to use my fingers to pump his penis, and he began to get hard. I had no idea what an erection was and when I asked he told me that it was something that happened when he was very happy. I smiled because I was proud that I could make him happy. He told me that if I kissed him it would make him happier and that I would be his favorite. I didn’t know any better so I crawled up his body and gave him a kiss. He smiled and told me that I should do the same thing to his penis, so I did. The head of his penis was leaking and he told me it was happy juice. He told me to lick it so again, because I was innocent I did. He moaned at that, and told me to suck on it. I had no idea, I was so stupid. He finally came on my face and I cried, it was gross and everything that had happened felt so wrong. He slapped me when he noticed that I was crying and I looked up in shock. I realized that the man that I’d idolized was hurting me. He dressed me and smiled, reminding me that if I told anyone that I’d be in big trouble. He scared me and I believed his threat. So I did nothing. He began to do this every time my sister and mom went away. Then when I turned eight he started to come into my room at night. He’d come in, lie down next to me in my bed and make me give him a hand job. I was ten when he began to get violent. At first it was minor, he’d push me and shove me and ‘wrestle’ a little too hard with me. Then when I was twelve he started to invite his friends over. He invited them to just watch at first, calling out sexual fantasies they wanted to see acted out. He made me do it; there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. It was okay though because it was just me he was hurting and I wasn’t important. Then his friends started joining in and it was hell but nothing compared to what was to come. He began to hurt me in places that my mom couldn’t see, he’d pinch my arms, kick me in the shins, stuff that could easily be covered up. It was terrible, I was basically his sex slave, and I couldn’t do anything. Anytime I told him I was going to tell someone he threatened to start hurting my mom or my sister. This continued until I was 14 and couldn’t handle it anymore. I took a rope and when no one was home I hung myself. Obviously I failed because I’d forgotten that my neighbor and only friend Zayn was coming over. Zayn found me and took me to the hospital. I couldn’t talk for a week and when I could I went under a psyche evaluation, I told them everything. Bryce was arrested and I went into therapy. My mother was horrified and became protective, like overly protective. She watched my every move which probably a good thing because after that I was majorly suicidal. I tried multiple times and ended up in the hospital countless times between the ages of 14 and 15. My sister was there for most of it, she was one of the most helpful people I knew during that year. She didn’t bullshit me and she didn’t sugarcoat anything when she was talking to me. I was released from the hospital on my 15th birthday. I was ecstatic and my mom threw me a party. It was there I met her new husband Jeremy and my sister’s boyfriend Victor. I found that Jeremy was kind, when he was sober, but when he was drunk he was mean. I was terrified that he’d hurt me, but he didn’t, the only thing that he’d do was talk. He’d spew hatred that could rival anything. I had heard some of the stuff before, most of it was religious stuff about how gays were going to hell. Thankfully the only time he did this was when he was drunk. I’m not sure how it happened but he got the idea that I was gay. He would tease me about my lack of a girlfriend when he was sober and he’d call me all the bigoted slurs he could think of when he was drunk. I got used to it and he backed off when he realized that I ignored what he said. But then Victor started hanging around more and started getting drunk with my stepdad. He was far more violent than my stepdad. He’d hit me and my mom would watch in horror. I didn’t even blame her that she didn’t do anything; I didn’t want her to get hurt. He always promised that he’d stop but he never did. I was broken and hated myself. Then one day Victor got drunk and I wasn’t home. I came home to find my sister lying on the floor and Victor screaming at her. I was an idiot and did nothing but call the police. Louis, that’s why Victor said that I didn’t do anything when he hit my sister, cuz I didn’t, I called the police. They came and sent Victor to anger management. My sister immediately broke up with him after he hit her. We have a restraining order on him which is why I was so surprised he showed up at school. So by this time I was 16 and Zayn became my guardian angel. Whenever I felt down I’d call him and he’d come and if I needed to feel pain he’d give me a tattoo which is how I got all of mine. So uh yeah, the reason that I flinch when people touch me is I’m scared that everyone’s gonna hurt me even though I know it’s not true. I’m working on it and if I know someone well enough then I’ll warm up to them and be okay with them touching me. I have issues still with dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. I hurt myself sometimes with uh...cutting and today I uh… burned myself. I mean I kinda started to believe everything my stepdad said about gay people going to Hell. I know that Zayn didn’t know everything started so early so…uh…yeah that’s everything…please don’t hate me.”

Harry looked up and realized that both Zayn and Louis were crying.

“Louis? Zayn? Please say something?”

“I’m so sorry Harry.” Louis cried.

Zayn could only nod. Both older boys got up and wrapped Harry in a hug. It was 5 o’clock when Harry finished telling them. Harry cursed and Louis and Zayn both drew back and looked at Harry.

“What's wrong Hazza?” Louis asked.

“My parents are gonna be home in an hour. You guys should go.”

Even Louis could tell that it’d be a bad idea to leave Harry in his current state.

“We’re not leaving you, babe.” Zayn said.

“But I don’t want them to come home and see you here and say something mean and then you’ll hate me and-”

“Do you honestly think that we’re gonna leave you? Do you really think we hate you? Nothing that happened to you was your fault! Okay? We’ll always stand by you.”

“Why? I’m worthless, I’m broken, and I’m damaged.”

“You're not worthless, or broken, or even damaged. You were hurt. And even if you were those things you said we still would care. We _don’t_ care, right Louis?”

“Of course not. We don’t care at all. We support you anyway, I realize that I just met you but after telling me all of that how can I not support you? You are the bravest, strongest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. I can tell why you freaked when we kissed, but please don’t be afraid. I really like you and I know that’s crazy cuz we've only known each other for a day but please!”

The boys spent the next half an hour talking and Louis and Harry ended up cuddling on Harry’s bed. Zayn watched the two boys fondly and soon all three boys fell asleep. They were all emotionally and physically exhausted. They were fast asleep so they didn’t hear a car pull into the driveway and they didn’t hear Harry’s parents come inside and they didn’t hear Harry’s sister Gemma walk up to the stairs and stop in front of Harry’s door. They didn’t hear her open the door and walk into his room until,

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE HARRY?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and again, sorry for the sadness. I hope it won't keep you from reading on. Love you all!


	6. and it's another day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and his sister talk a little and the boys meet Harry's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!! Oh, and this chapter contains some description of an eating disorder (very little).

Harry woke up with a start,

"What?" he asked sleepily.

"What's going on?! Why are you wrapped around a boy that I've never seen before in my life?"

"Shh, Gem. Please, we don't want to wake them up. Can we go talk somewhere else?"

"Fine." Gemma huffed. 

Harry started to untangle himself from around Louis.

"Where are you going?" whined Louis.

"I'll be right back, Lou." Harry said gently.

Harry rolled out of his arms with a whimper from Louis. Harry laughed softly and walked out of the room with his sister. She walked him into her room and they sat at her desk to talk.

"Okay Harry, spill!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The boy I've literally never seen before in your bed with you wrapped around him?"

"Oh, that's Louis!" Harry said calmly.

"I'm asking why there was a random boy in your bed, Harry." Gemma said angrily.

"He's my friend?"

"Sure, okay Harry. Whatever you say. Mom sent me up to tell you dinner is ready. Are Zayn and your new friend staying to eat?"

"Uh, yeah...probably."

"Okay, well the step-father is here and has already had a couple drinks, so please be careful. I'll let Mom know to set two more places. We'll talk more when everyone's gone."

"Thanks Gem, for not freaking out."

"Never, and one more thing Harry."

"Yeah, Gemma?"

"Make sure the three of you are fully clothed. We don't want Mom finding out about those tattoos now do we?" Gemma said with a wink.

She stood up and sheparded Harry back into his own room. Harry looked down at himself and realized that at some point during the time they were asleep he had taken his shirt off. He blushed when he saw that Louis didn't have a shirt on either. He walked over to where Zayn was asleep on his floor and shook him awake,

"Zayn, wake up...ZAYN!" Zayn groaned and opened his eyes,

"What?"

"My parents and sister are home and want us downstairs for dinner."

"So? What's the big deal?"

"There's a half naked boy that they've never met asleep in my bed!"

"Oh, crap, did they see you?"

"Only Gemma did and apparently she doesn't care. But we gotta get up like now! We have to be downstairs in like 5 minutes." Zayn and Harry heard a small noise coming from Harry's bed,

"Haz...Hazza? Where are you?"

"I'm right here, Lou, but we've got to get up now. My mom and stepdad are home and they want us to come down for dinner."

"Oh, okay." Louis said sleepily.

Louis sat up and blushed furiously when he realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. He noticed it right next to him and quickly put it on. 

"Okay, so my sister saw us together in my bed, but don't worry, she won't say anything. I just wanted to let you know."

"Mmkay," Louis said sleepily. He got up out of bed and wandered into Harry's waiting arms for a hug.

"Are you okay? I mean with everything I told you?" Harry whispered.

"Of course, are _you_ okay? With your arm and everything?"

"Uh, yeah, it's okay."

Louis and Harry separated.

"We have to go downstairs now. But before we do I have to warn you, my stepdad, Jeremy? he's had a couple of drinks already; he's harmless but his words are kinda mean sometimes. So don't take offense to anything he says, it'll probably be directed at me anyway, so yeah."

The other two boys nodded and they walked downstairs together. Zayn and Louis were on either side of Harry and they felt him tense when they walked into the dining room. Harry's mom, Anne, stepdad, Jeremy, and sister, Gemma were all sitting around the table along with a girl that Harry didn't recognize.

"Harry, Zayn, nice of you to join us. Harry, who's your friend?'

"I could say the same to you Mum." Harry said gesturing to the girl."

"This is my niece Taylor. She's in town for a bit visiting me." Jeremy smiled.

"Oh, nice to meet you Taylor. I'm Harry and these are my friends Zayn and Louis."

"Nice to meet you all," Taylor said smiling at Harry and glaring at the other boys.

Harry watched Taylor glare at the boys and he was confused. He brushed it off as her nerves at meeting a bunch of new people. Everyone sat down and ate in relative calmness until,

"Harry, you have to eat. And don't give me that bullshit about not being hungry. I've been with you all day and I know for a fact that you haven't eaten anything."

Zayn whispered this furiously, loudly enough for both Taylor, who was sitting across from Harry and Zayn, and Louis, who was sitting next to Harry, to hear. Harry whipped his head towards Zayn,

"I  _am_ eating! I'm having green beans and soup!"

"And I bet you could tell me the exact calorie count in that."

"284," Harry said meekly.

"That's not enough and you know it. Your parents were sure you were better, in fact you  _were_ better for a while. We made a deal; I didn't tell your parents as long as you actually tried!"

" _Fine!"_ Harry said angrily.

He put a roll on his plate, along with a chicken breast. Zayn let out a sigh of relief as he watched Harry slowly but surely finish off his plate. Everyone else made their way to seconds just as Harry was finishing his first plate. Harry finished it off and immedeately excused himself to the toilets. A couple of seconds later Zayn abruptly stood up and quickly followed Harry. Louis, looking confused followed Zayn, finding him standing outside the bathroom door, pounding on it loudly.

"Harry, don't you dare throw up that food. You know our deal, and that breaks it and you know it... Harry...HARRY!!!!! Come out of there so we can talk."

Harry opened the door to the bathroom and dragged Zayn in. Then, seeing Louis, dragged him inside as well.

"I can't okay?! I just can't. It's so much food, and it's gross, and I don't care if I break our deal. I just can't do it!"

"Harry, what is going on?" Louis asked worriedly.

"It's just another one of my many screw ups, I'm sorry. Maybe you should just leave."

"But Harry-"

"Louis, leave me alone. Go home, go back to your normal life, with your unscrewed up friends, and your healthy family. Just go and forget about me."

"Harry-"

"Go." Harry whispered coldly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I haven't posted in a while and I wanted to put something up. I hope you enjoyed! Love you all, Hayley.


	7. i'm not quite certain of your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis confronts Harry about everything and Harry comes clean...for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I am SO sorry that I haven't posted anything in such a long time!!!! But here is another chapter for you. WARNING: This chapter might be considered triggering for some people so be careful!!  
> I love you,  
> -Hayley

Louis quickly left after Harry's outbursts without so much as a goodbye to Harry's family. Harry stayed in the bathroom with Zayn sitting on the floor and crying. Zayn kept his arms around him.

"He hates me. He's never coming back. I'm such a fuck up."

"Babe, he doesn't hate you. He just wants to know what's going on with you. He was upset because you told him to leave."

"How can he _not_ hate me? I don't understand, I mean first I tell him that I was raped by my stepfather for years, and he still wants to be near me! I mean he slept in the same bed as me! And then he finds me in the bathroom almost puking up my dinner and you say he still wants to stay?"

"He kissed you... And he slept in the same bed as you! You've know the boy for a day and I'm pretty sure he's already head over heels for you. So, yeah I think he'll stay. But you have to talk to him. He won't be able to forgive you unless you talk."

 "What if he doesn't though?"

"Did you hear a word of what I just said? Of course he will!"

"I don't know about that. But I guess I owe him an explanation."

Zayn and Louis went back to the table and sat quietly through the end of dinner. Zayn stayed over night to keep a watch on Harry. Later that night Harry texted Louis,

To Louis:  **Hey  I'm sorry about tonight please meet me at the park around midnight. Please please be there. I have a lot I need to tell you.**

To Harry: _fine but you owe me an explanation_

To Louis: **Thanks**

To Harry: _i'll see you then_

Harty turned to Zayn,

"I need you to cover for me, I'm gonna go talk to Louis."

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until morning?"

"Zayn I need to do this, please!"

"Fine, but babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful okay? And don't do anything you're gonna regret tomorrow."

"I know, I'll be careful."

An hour later Harry shimmied open the window in his bedroom and climbed out into the darkness. Zayn passed him a flashlight and again told him to be careful. Harry smiled at Zayn and began the short walk to the park. He reached the park just as midnight rolled around. He found Louis on the swings and sat down next to him. Harry took a deep breath and turned to Louis,

"Hey."

Louis looked over to Harry but said nothing. Harry tried again,

"Louis, please say something, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to tell you to leave."

Louis said nothing again.

"Louis, please!"

Louis turned to Harry, made eye contact, and held it for what seemed like forever. He leaned closer and before Harry could register what was happening Louis' lips were on his. Harry gasped with surprise into Louis' mouth, but kissed back.

"Please tell me I'm not crazy. Please tell me you want this too, that you want this as much as I do." Louis breathed.

"I do, but I'm scared that you'll run away like everyone else."

"Why? Why are you scared? Why do you do the things that you do? Please Harry just explain yourself to me! Don't brush over anything and don't leave anything out! Start to finish. Like what about the...you know...food thing?"

"You can call it what it is, I'm bulimic. I was anorexic before but I went to therapy for it for a year when I got out of the hospital. They force feed you in the hospital to make you get used to having food in your system again. But when I got out and no one was watching me anymore, I figured out other ways to get rid of it. The thing with the food was Bryce used it as an reward for not telling my mom about what he was doing to me. He'd take me out for ice-cream or a burger and as I got older he'd tell me how pretty I was. When I told on him I started to see food as this gross thing that caused me to be pretty, which at the time I associated with being hurt. It only reminded me more of what happened. My mom told Zayn what was going on so he could keep an eye on me and we made a deal. I could eat everything or just a little but I had to try and get healthy. He said that as long as I tried he wouldn't tell my mom that I wasn't nearly eating the amount I should be. So tonight when I got up to...uh..throw up my dinner, Zayn knew exactly what I was doing. And he was right, it does break our deal. I have to eat  _something_  substantial or else he'd tell my mom that I wasn't eating nearly enough."

"I'm so sorry Harry."

"I'm broken, damaged, ruined. I can't ever be the shiny person you want me to be Lou, I just can't. I'll always have secrets and I'll lie to you even when I try to tell the truth. But I promise, right now that I'm telling you the truth. After everything that happened with my step-dad, my mom was hesitant to date again. But then she found Jeremy and everything was good. When Victor starting hurting me she blamed me for it, saying that if I'd not tried to kill myself she could still be with Bryce and Gemma would be happy too. I was furious and didn't know how to act. I'd been on suicide watch since I entered the hospital and now that I was out I had no one to stop me from cutting or burning myself. I found this one of the most enticing things in my life. I had freedom and I hadn't in so long that I didn't know what to do with it. I don't always go to Zayn when I'm feeling down, sometime I turn to my bright pink EXACTO-knife and sometimes I'll turn to my lighter. I cut everywhere that doesn't show, arms, hips, thighs and stomach. It's the same thing with the burning."

"But why do you do it? Like not to be insensitive, I just don't understand."

"Honestly? Because it feels good. I suck at expressing emotions in a healthy way and it feels like a release. Like when you fill a balloon up too much and then you poke it with a pin and it bursts? That's what it's like, the balloon popping is me hurting myself and letting out all my feelings. I'd rather self-destruct so I don't hurt anyone else. I tried talking to Zayn, but I saw what all my sad feelings were doing to him, they were making him sad. And I don't want to make other people sad, I deserved what I got. No one else needs that kind of sad. Zayn and my mom had to teach me how to act like a normal person again! Do you know how humiliating it is to sit in the corner of an elevator crying because someone bumped into you and you though they were going to hurt you?  My mom left for work early every morning and Bryce was supposed to take me to school from the time I was in kindergarten to the eighth grade. Imagine her surprise when she found out that I'd hadn't been to school since the 1st grade. She didn't know that Bryce had pulled me out of school and had told the school board that I was being home-schooled. I can barely read at a third grade level right now. I had to learn how to read in the hospital with a tutor from the time I was 14 until after my 15th birthday because I couldn't go to school. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be just learning how to read at 15? I'm a junior but most of my classes I take at night with a retired elementary school teacher because I'm so far behind. I'm only in that English class with you because Mr. Cowell was my tutor at the hospital. I had to learn how to do a lot of things all over again because of Bryce. I have to learn how to love again and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that."

"Harry, of course you will. I'm sorry about everything, so, so, sorry. But keeping all your feelings inside is unhealthy. It's better to talk about them even if they make other people sad."

"I know. I really do, but how can I tell someone that I want to die without them wanting to institutionalize me? It's hard when you have so many dark thought but you just want to be happy."

"How about you come to me, or Zayn with anything, anything you are feeling, even if it's 'I'm feeling hot today.' Do you think maybe you can do that?"

"Yeah, I can try but like I said, I won't be better right away. I'll still probably lie to you guys and keep things from you. But I will definitely try."

"Thanks, now it's getting late. why don't we both head back to our houses and we'll see each other at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. But Lou?"

"Yeah, Hazz?"

"Are we okay?"

"Under one condition."

"Yeah?"

"We can do this more often."

Louis leans forward and places a quick and chaste kiss on Harry's lips.

"Yeah, I think that would be okay. I think that I don't care what other people think anymore. You make me feel like I'm not drowning anymore."

"Good, because neither do I."

Both boys smile and go their separate ways for the night. As Harry walks home with a smile on his face he hears a car behind him and sees the headlights cast a bright shadow in front of him. The slows down as it gets closer to Harry. A head pokes out the window and says,

"Hey kiddo, remember me?"

"Bryce?"


	8. the worst things in life come free to us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so please don't hate me too much!!! I realize I haven't updated in 4 months but I have been insanely busy. In addition to not having internet access this summer for 7 weeks I also just started my senior year of high school. But I still owe you guys a HUGE apology...SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will try to update more consistently but no promises. Anyways here's another chapter and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> P.S. Sorry it's so short, I really wanted to get something posted for you guys.
> 
> WARNING: There could be some bits in here that some people might consider triggering (brief flashbacks; mentions of self harm, description of rape, graphic description of suicide attempt) As always I'm not going to tell you to not read this but I am going to advise that if you think any of the above-mentioned things might trigger you PLEASE be extremely careful whilst reading.  
> Thanks and I love you all,  
> Hayley

* * *

Harry stopped dead in his tracks.

"Fuck," he thought to himself, "Fuck, he's here. Take a deep breath, you're okay, you're safe. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can't breathe."

"Uh, h-h-hi Bryce."

"Pull yourself together you idiot," he  thought to himself, "He'll hear that you're scared and laugh. You're so stupid."

"Hi there Harry. How have you been?"

"Good! You?" he said with his legs shaking.

"I'm good!"

Harry takes his phone out of his back pocket and holds it down low where Bryce can't see it. He continues to talk to Bryce,

"That's good! So what are you doing here?"

To Louis:  **bryc is wt me sos cll te plce**

"Just thought I'd stop by and say hello now that I'm free again. How's your mom and sister?"

To Harry:  _on their way where are you_

"They're good! My sister's graduating uni soon!"

To Louis:  **2 sts awy frm my hse palmer st i thnk**

"That's good Harry! What about you? What have you been up to? Anything new and exciting?'

"N-n-ot really. I started school again...I made a couple of friends."

"That's awesome! Would you like me to give you a ride back to the house?

To Louis:  **whre r  u bryc wnts 2 gv me a rde**

To Harry: _Don't get in the car with him. The police are literally 5 minutes away!_

To:Louis:  **ok**

"Um, no thanks Bryce. I'm almost there anyway."

To Harry:  _keep him talking, don't let him get away_

To Louis:  **k**

"Come on Harry! Are you scared of me? After all I did for you? I helped you become a man. Anyway, I've been clean and sober for a whole year now. And I did my time in jail and I took the anger management courses I was required to take."

"Wow good for you!" Harry says, dripping with sarcasm, his anger slowly building.

"You should be thanking me! I saved you and your family when your father walked out on you guys. You would have been on the streets without me! Geez lighten up and get in the car. You're gonna catch a cold."

"No thanks Bryce, I'm all set."

"Stop being such a baby. There's nothing for you to be afraid of."

Harry stood where he was shaking with anger, not fear anymore. He looked at Bryce's smiling face and could see in his eyes that little glint that he recognized from when Bryce would come into his room at night. Harry started to turn away, but then made a split second decision and turned back to Bryce,

"I HAVE NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF? REALLY?!" Harry shouted.

"NOTHING? How about all those nights where you snuck into my room? I was 8 years old when you started coming at night! For God's sake no fucking 8-year-old should have to go through what I went through. You told me that if I said anything you were going to hurt my family. You raped me when I was fucking 5 and didn't stop until I was 14 and tried to kill myself! Did anyone ever tell you that?! I couldn't stand living anymore in a world that hated me enough to do this to me every single fucking night! I took one of your belts to do it, hoping that people would get that it was because of you that I was dead. I took the belt and climbed up onto a chair in the living room hoping that maybe  _you'd_ get home first and see me hanging there with your belt, and know it was your fault. I stood up there thinking that it would tear you apart inside because I convinced myself long ago that you raping me was just your twisted, screwed up way of showing me you loved me. You precious little pet would be gone. I looped the black leather around the rafter above me and then wrapped and secured it around my neck. I took a breath and let it out. I looked at the clock and then I closed my eyes and kicked the chair out from under me. I hung there for a minute before passing out just thinking that I was finally going to be safe. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital that was so white it was blinding. I couldn't talk for a month because I messed up my vocal chords. Didn't you wonder why I wasn't at your trial? I COULDN'T FUCKING SPEAK!!! My neck was so scarred and bruised that I hid in shame for months afterwards. You left me so screwed up that I didn't know how to deal with my feelings anymore. I forgot what right vs. wrong was. I cut and burned myself whenever I was upset in hopes that if you ever returned that you'd think I was too scarred and ugly to  _"play with"_ anymore. I thought you cared about me that much.

Harry stopped for a moment when he saw the blue flashing lights approaching. He took a deep breath before continuing quietly,

"I know now that you were using me for your own sadistic games and that you never cared about me. I know what it is to care about someone. You left me broken, but I built myself up again. I know now that you were just a sick, sick man and I hope you get all the help you need."

Bryce just stares at Harry while the police take him out of the car and put him in handcuffs.

"Sir, you directly violated not only your probation but the restraining order against you. That sir, lands you right back in jail."

Bryce get shoved into the police car, but not before hearing Harry whisper one more thing,

"Although I forgive you Bryce, I hope you go to Hell."

Harry watches as Bryce gets driven away and feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. For once he doesn't jump, and instead he just turns around and smiles,

"Thank-you Louis, you saved me."

"It was no problem, let's get you home."

Together Louis and Harry walk to Harry's house and up to the front door. They stop here and turn to each other,

"Goodnight, Harry. Sleep well."

"Goodnight Louis and you sleep well as well," Harry says with a smile.

Louis leans in to give Harry a kiss good-bye. They lock lips when they hear Harry's front door open. They jump apart and are greeted with Harry's stepfather, as drunk as ever,

"HARRY! Where have you been, we've been worried sick about you, your mother and I." Jeremy looks down and notices the boys' clasped hands,

"Harry, why the fuck are you holding hands with another boy?" he says eerily calm.

Jeremy takes a step forward and before they know what's happening Jeremy strikes and punches Harry in the temple. The last thing he sees before he passes out is Louis taking a swing at Jeremy and his mother behind them screaming, "STOP!"


	9. i'll hold on to the words you spoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I am so so so sorry for not updating in forever. I've been having a really tough time and haven't had much time for writing. 
> 
> WARNING: As always I'm not going to tell you to skip the triggers (brief mentions of violence, panic attack, legal chemical sedation) because that is not my place but I want you to be careful while reading about them.
> 
> Love you,  
> Hayley
> 
> PS...I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I write without a beta, so any and all mistakes are my own. Feel free to point them out to me so I can fix them as soon as possible.

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Harry's eyes fluttered open and as they did, the first thing he saw was the all-too-familiar flashing of police lights. The next thing he noticed was that there was a warm presence beside him.

"What happened?"

"Jeremy punched you in the head, you passed out. I kinda lost it when he did that. I punched him and your mom freaked out and called the police. They just put him in the police car, but they need to interview us before they can charge him."

"How long was I out?"

"Not long, a couple of minutes. We're going to have to go to the hospital to get you checked for a concussion after the police talk to us. Is that alright? Or do you want your mom to take you?"

"Could you do it? I don't know that I can have a civil conversation with her, when she knew all along how Jeremy was and still let him stick around."

"Fair enough, but you do need to talk to your mom and explain some things so she'll quit looking at us like she's seen a ghost."

"Fine, and then we'll talk to the police, so we can get that over with."

"And then the hospital. I know you don't like going to them, but I'm actually worried you might have a concussion."

"Okay, fine, we can do that."

Harry and Louis turned to Harry's mom, Anne. She was looking a them with a confused expression.

"What's going on here boys? Is there something you'd like to tell me?" she asked.

"Well mom, this is Louis. We met at school, he's my friend, and sometimes we kiss. I've had enough of people telling me, no let me rephrase that, I've had enough of your lovers telling me I'm worthless and wrong. It has destroyed me. I barely know how to function as a reasonable person and honestly, it's really no thanks to you. If me liking boys is going to change that, then tell me now. I'll find somewhere else to go, I won't stay in a house with that around me." Harry put into words what had been on his mind for the longest time.

"Harry...I...I don't know what to say. I need some time to process everything that just happened. I really don't know how to react to this. I think it might be better if you stayed somewhere else tonight, or until I can gather my thoughts." Anne responded meekly.

"Really?! Are you kidding me, after everything I've been through?! You're such a-" Harry spat.

"Harry, let's get you to the hospital," Zayn interjected.

Harry hadn't noticed that Zayn had appeared behind his mother, but was immediately grateful for his friend's calm presence among all the chaos that was going on.

"Yeah, Harry, Zayn and I will ride with you in the ambulance and then we can all stay at my house if you want. I texted my mom while we waited for the police to get here and it was fine with her." 

"Thank you." Harry and Zayn said together.

"Let me know when I can come back, or if I can't let me know when I should come back to pick up my things." Harry said quietly. Harry, Zayn, and Louis all walked together to the ambulance. They get closer to the door the EMTs greeted them and Harry stopped in his tracks, 

"I can't do it. I can't get in there. It's small and there are doctors and they're going to poke and prod me. They're gonna ask me questions that I don't want to answer and I can't do it, okay? I just can't. Screw going to the hospital I don't want to. Can we just go to your house? Please Louis?"

Louis looked like he was about to say yes when Zayn interrupted,

"No, babe, we can't. You need to go to the hospital. You were unconscious for a while, you need to get checked out. We won't leave your side, right Louis?" Louis nodded as Zayn continued, I promise that you don't have to answer anything that you don't want to answer, okay?"

"Fine," Harry agreed.  They all climbed into the back of the ambulance where Zayn and Louis were told to sit in seat that were beside a bed. Harry was told to sit in the bed and it was when the emergency personnel began to put the seat straps on him that he lost it.

"NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, LET ME GO!  I don't want to be strapped down, I won't let you. Don't do this, don't make me do this, you can't do this to me. HELP ME PLEASE, LET ME GO, HELP!" Harry screamed. He began to thrash around and toss and turn. He tried to hit anyone that came anywhere near him.

"I'm sorry kid, but we're gonna have to sedate you if you can't calm down. We need to be able to get you safely to the hospital."

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! LET ME GO." Harry cried. And with that Harry felt a prick in his arm. He began to feel sleepy and the last things he saw before slipping under were Louis' and Zayn's faces and the bright lights of the Emergency Room. Little did Harry know then, that when he woke up, his life would change.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, but I wanted to get it out there and let people know (if anyone's still reading this) that I'm back.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed and I'll update as often as possible. Love you all!


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